Monday, December 24, 2012

'Twas the Night Before Quest-mas

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house
Not a creature was stirring... 'cept me and my mouse!
My wireless logitech USB mouse click-clicking without pause or fail,
And the reason I'm clicking so late in the eve?  Why else! A super Steam Sale!

While others are sleeping alone in their beds
I've visions of Indie games up in my heads!
Plus no time for X-mas eve sleeping or naps
When my Super Meat Boy demands so many fa - ...I mean.... Moving on!

When out from the Chimney arose such a clatter
A red jelly thing hit the ground with a splatter!
Comprehension was dawning - I trembled with fear -
For the text read as this: "Santa-Slime Draws Near!"

"Oh shit man I'm screwed! Man I'm just level one!
And I don't have a sword, shield OR armor - nope, none!"
Think quick! For a shield grabbed the seat from the sofa,
For a sword I just snatched up the iron fire poker!

We battled like that for five minutes at least
As I tried hard to slay this red Santa-Slime beast!
But my health slowly dwindled and I grew truly pissed -
Santa-Slime's high evasion meant I constantly missed!

And I thought to myself "Man this just isn't funny!
I might wake up in the church but I'll lose half my money!
Not cool! Specially when the Steam sale is on -
My chance at these sweet deals will surely be gone!"

But just when it looked like hope truly was lost
My front door exploded in fire and frost!
In stepped two mages and thief and - who's that?
A knight in red armor was leading the pack!

Yes his armor was scarlet and as the smoke cleared
I saw too his red hat and bushy white beard.
He seemed ready to party - Slime Slayin-O-Rama -
Plus he looked to've been drawn by one A. Toriyama!

And they worked as a team, Santa-Slime stood no chance.
The thief picked his pockets though the slime wore no pants!
The mages cast spells of great power and might
And the slime was struck dumb by a blow from the knight!

Santa-Slime took flight when the knight's sword landed
And bounced to a rest where, still startled, I stand-ed.
The fiend was quite dazed - it was my turn to strike -
A sharp blow from my poker thus ended the fight!

Santa-Slime went "Kapoof!" - I had vanquished that devil,
And with all this XP, boy I just gained a level!
And he left behind monies! Enough I proclaim
At the current exchange rate for just one more game!

"You saved me Red Knight, when my health was near zero -
who are you?" He smiled, "They call me Santa-HERO."
Then he turned to depart but I just heard him say,
"Merry Quest-mas to all; now game all night and all day!"

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